Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
