How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
