He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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