I can text with my tongue
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
