I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize