So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
