Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
