you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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