no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish I only lived at night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
