Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
