dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
