On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
