he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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