So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize