xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
