i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
