the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
