Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize