Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
