This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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