Duck Duck Cougar?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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