You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
