dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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