It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
