So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize