Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
