she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want to make out with him forever
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize