you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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