I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize