Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
