Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
