My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He? As in you personified your dick?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
