i don't plan on having that self control this summer
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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