What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize