Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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