you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize