I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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