She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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