Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
