We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
