You work out of a Hotel?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
