the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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