i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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