Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize