My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
