I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
