My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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