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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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