I'm gonna have a badass scar
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
