So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
