why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
