This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize