Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
