Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
