to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
