KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
