"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
