i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
