i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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