Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
