Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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