omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
