hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
