What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
