Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
