she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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