I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
